F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I could sense that he was choking and was deliberately looking away from me...and it remained so for the following 30 minutes... he was stopping himself from getting emotional...

It started off as a joyous evening for the two of us- we were hopping from one shop to the other, looking to buy a laptop for my dad. We were yapping away to glory, cracking jokes, laughing and what not! But now, it was silence that stationed itself between us! He wasn’t talking much, even though there was so much that he wanted to express, both joy and sorrow! I could read every bit, and why not!!...I have known him from the time we cycled together to school!

I’m to leave this city soon, probably never to return or may be just as a visitor, once in a blue moon. And ever since I broke this to my close friends in the city, I have been subject to emotional rendezvous and messages that, I know, are genuine to the core. I do choke when I read them before I hit the sack everyday, thinking about many things, moments, my loved and dear ones; but I clench my teeth hard, suppress the turmoil in me and close my eyes tight to sleep, for I’m just following the path laid and led by the Almighty – I believe and trust in Him the most and hope that something good awaits me for all this change...

I was talking to another friend a couple of days back and also happened to mention what I have stated in para one here. It just triggered an interesting topic for discussion that went on for hours together. We casually started talking about the place I am headed to, the new life, new friends and friendship – a concept that the two of us give a lot of importance to – and so on. We went on discussing about every single incident that has changed us, moved us, and made us happy and sad. It indeed was and will be one of the better conversations I have had till date, because in those few hours I almost recalled every single ‘friend’ I have known in life, till date... and relived every single moment spent with them.

One of the first few things that hits our heads when we hear the term ‘friends’  at random is the popular serial that was aired initially on Star World, isn’t it? A major reason for its popularity is that it’s got so much of us in it – the characters in it seem like every second person we interact with, or even have as friends. I, honestly, am not a huge fan of the series...but yes, I do cherish the few episodes I have seen of it, for I watched it with someone I hold dear, and special and we enjoyed every bit of it together.

As tiny tots, friendship was just about holding hands and running together to our class rooms, reserving seats for each other in the school bus, eating together during lunch breaks, sharing food, waiting for one another for assignment correction/submission and so on. Did anyone of us look beyond these or try to understand the underlying emotions of this term ‘friend’ or ‘friendship’? We were too naive and innocent to do it then.

This beautiful concept just grows with us, and matures and blossoms to an emotion that is just impossible to explain! And needless to say, many admire it and yearn for it, but very few value it...very few treasure it! After all it’s ‘that one relation’ that we get to choose and is not imposed on us.  I believe in something that I swear by, viz. : One would value vision only after he loses his eyes (this is the literal translation of a saying in my mother tongue)! So is the case with a worthwhile relationship - someone who's gone, remains gone...forever!

I cherish the moments when my diaper buddies and I sit and chit chat, laughing away till our cheeks and stomach hurt, recollecting all our crazy old days, all our little moments together and the fun – these are moments that are just unparalleled!!!  We might have had our own ups and downs, but we still chose to be what we are today and definitely are proud about it (smiling ear-to-ear)! I vividly remember, telephones were a luxury during my younger days and every minute spent on a call was kept a tab on, fearing a blockbuster phone bill! Despite these we would call one another 4 times a year – our birthdays and during two major festivals to wish goodness and prosperity to each other – not to talk for more than 2 minutes. Those two-minute calls are what have got us here, until today...to this emotional proximity! And now, when every kid carries a mobile phone and yaps away to glory thinking nothing about the bill and just cherishing the conversation, we just feel proud to have come all this way long without these luxuries then and pray to be together till the end! :)

 If this is the case with age-old friends, there are so many who step into our lives and play their own significant roles. Some remain, while the others are sheer passing clouds ; some teach us so many things, while from the others we learn what never to be and never to do! Some get so close, while the others remain as just acquaintances. Yet, each and everyone are remembered and good moments spent with them, cherished!

Life throws variety at us and this is no different in the case of friendship! To some, you might have once been the reason for their celebration. But seldom do people remember those who provide them with shelter during the storm, especially, when the rain of goodness showers! The perfect examples here are of someone I knew of in my college and a few such others. Initially their days would not end without meeting you or talking to you...but later, they would have time to meet everyone else, speak with everyone else for hours together, but when you request for a share of their time, what you would receive is an excuse of a busy schedule or silence when you call, even during your toughest and demanding times/situations... when you actually might have needed them the most...yearned for a consoling word or moral support from them....for you trusted them the most! But you realise that you have been let down...

Communication resolves everything, but when one experiences deja vu despite all the confiding and requesting, then taking it all in silence - solely for the immense love and care we have for the other and the respect for the friendship - is the only go. However, I bet many disagree with me here. Somehow, I have always liked being myself even though I might end up being a masochist. 

Facebook, these days, I would say is both a boon and a bane for its own reasons! We get to befriend many, locate our long lost buddies and stay in touch with our loved ones irrespective of where they are. 
It also gives many a heartache - it’s when you casually browse that you realize that people you hold close have de-tagged themselves from your pictures on FB, deleted comments posted by you and have replied to everyone else’s comments, but ignored yours and so on. There would have a time when you were the first one to know of things that happen in your friend’s life and rejoice for all the goodness that’s been coming her or his way, but eventually you would know it all only through FB status updates, through common friends or through awkward situations. My friend, the other day, realized his girl friend was dating another boy through FB and ended his relationship with her. Sometimes we end up disliking people for all that they say, do and show on FB and realize their cheapness and prefer to stay away. These, of course, are smaller examples, the graver ones being those cases that have even led to divorces, splitsville, etc. Social sites are awesome means to share and be with one another, provided we know to be a sane member on it.

Eleven years’ beautiful friendship comes to an end in a jiffy because of an assumption – which I have always disliked, for they are the root cause of all disasters! People who preach about life, do not follow one bit of what they state, claim or demand! Some lie and act behind our backs. Some call us their ‘best friend’, but leave us for their girl/boy friends only because their so called partners tag them untrustworthy and they ought to prove it wrong, only to return lonely when the affair ends in a disaster. But yes, as friends, we just smile and embrace them back...don’t we? Sometimes we end up in situations where our friends stop talking to us only because they disapprove of something we do or someone we’re in touch with. When upset, we start confiding at random and eventually realize that this newly acquired confidant has remained our friend as against the one who we trusted and expected so much from! Situations, thus, get painfully funnier and amusing!

Some marriages and the acquired spouses end many year’s long friendship in no time, while some close friends take their long lasted compatibility, care and affection for each other to the next level and get married to live a more joyous life. Sometimes we may hesitate to state what we feel, but perhaps we’re missing out on an even more beautiful relationship by curbing it all. Sometimes many do not know the definition of friendship and ruin it all by behaving bad and dirty, crossing all limits they shouldn’t have as a 'friend'. Such friendships are bound to die eventually, but the worst is for the one at the receiving end, who probably would have died 100 deaths before ‘the end’. Again, my thoughts wander and land on those who have shared such stories with me, my own experiences and on those who have confided the same to me. Oh yes...amid these, let us also not forget those few who have entered wedlock without knowing each other well enough, just to let every bit crumble apart and go down the drains forever...or those who do anything and everything in the name of friendship, but do not mean one bit of it! Life indeed throws variety at us! 

During hard times, we do keep comtemplating, just to try and understand and to get an answer to the ‘why’ that keeps bothering us...to get some kind of explanation to the tears that roll down when we think of those words and deeds that have been used to insult us, induce pain... the feeling of having been just an option when someone was bored or in need, having been a ‘rebound’, having been a support to be stepped on and step out of filth, pushing us further into the sludge in the process and so on... but somehow, for all these, I just smile and move on the path called destiny. For I strongly believe, every bad experience is a lesson learnt and the good ones, beautiful memories!

I do consider myself blessed and do have a few ‘good friends’... those who take pain to ensure my comfort, those who have trudged along with me through all odds and been my partners in crime (wink wink), those who sense that 'she's upset' by just reading my mood in the reply sent to their sms, which otherwise might seem very normal to a layman...as against those to whom I have spoken by just clearing my throat and wiping my tears after an emotional outburst, with them sensing nothing... those few who I know I can call during wee hours in case of an emergency – and I know for sure they would not frown or accuse/abuse me after looking at the clock...those who do a favour to my friend, who is but a stranger for them, stating ‘I’m doing this only for you’ ... those who keep the faith in me going.

As I write this bog, I recollect the beautiful long drives and bike rides my friends and I have gone for – a usual roundabout is made special, for we might have spun around it like excited kids around merry-go-rounds, the lovely movies we have watched together, the crazy jokes we have laughed at, the random arguments, funny fights, those lovable hugs, casual walks by the beach-side holding hands, the stories we exchange sitting at the sea face, the parties and weddings we have attended together, the shopping gaga, the hilarious merchandise exchange, the girl gang stories and late night drives, visits to shrines together, dance and music practices, the last moment decisions taken at college cuturals that's ended in beautiful surprises, the public transport hopping we did just to eat chat from different corners of the city and on goes the never-ending list! We all meet, just to meet...an occasion isn't required at all...LOL...in fact we getting together to spend time by itself is a lovely occasion! :)

I treasure my dear friends and friendship and I ain’t materialistic at all. If you gift me a BMW (hypothetically people, stop growling at me now!), I would treasure it only because it’s gifted by someone I love, and hold important and not for the car that it is! I would also value a piece of note written and given by a friend with the same importance and care. And above all, I would value a true relation, much more than anything else, irrespective of what I get in return.

‘True and genuine’ friends are indeed a blessing in disguise...be it a few that we have, or just one! I have friends of all age groups and I love that aspect, for there is so much that I get to learn from the elders’ ages of experience, the little ones’ innocence that speak a lot of naive truth and my peers, who might look at a situation from various other angles than mine...and beyond all these, the beautiful moments we all get to spend with each other!

It doesn’t take much at all to call oneself a good friend... 

But it takes a lot to 'actually' be one...
And a lot more to mean it when one says ‘I’m there for you...and I shan’t let you fall...ever!’

BEYOND THE BUCKS

Everyone has their own likes, dislikes and aspirations. As we grow, at every stage, we start experimenting on our inclinations towards various fields, until we settle with one – the one we for sure know is the best for us...the one for which we know we will give our 100%! Choosing a career of our genuine choice would not only drive us towards achieving in the field, but helps us in many other ways too! I realized it after I became friends with her...after I knew more about her.

I see her slog like there’s no tomorrow! I see her slog like there’s no life for her beyond her work and work place! She is immensely polite, but makes minimal interactions and barely talks off air! The city loves this bubbly lady jock who keeps every listener glued everyday! But off air, she gets into a cocoon. Given a chance she would volunteer to work overtime, unnecessarily. Why doesn’t she realise there is a life outside her cubicle, her excel sheets, her scripts, her reporting, stories and so on? Foolish lady, doesn’t even know to live or enjoy her life properly, I thought and would continue my work. Even though I tried being oblivious to her, something about her kept bothering me. Was it her smile or her eyes? They just seemed to camouflage something painful; they seemed to be talking tales unknown to many...

Assumptions, generally, are the foundation of all misunderstandings, disasters and blunders; but this time, what I assumed turned out to be right. A lot of things about her dawned on me after I got to know her as a friend, as a loved one...She indeed had tales buried in her!

It was lunch hour that day and having a canteen is a high calorie boon for us. I stuffed my plate with the goodies served and walked around to find a table. All were occupied. People dining were oblivious to a few of us who were searching for a seat to park ourselves at and eat in peace.  “You could sit here”, said someone to me. I halted and turned around with a smile of relief that immediately died looking at the caller! Er...do I sit or just walk away pretending not to have noticed the person, I thought? I chose to take the offer; how does it matter anyway? Just sit quietly, eat and leave! But I am glad things did not happen the way I predicted it to. Thanks to my glass of butter milk that tilted and fell on her. I freaked out and felt miserably embarrassed. Knowing her indifferent behaviour, I thought she would yell; but what came to me was a blow! She smiled, shook her dupatta and wiped the stain with a tissue, looked at me, smiled and said, “Please don’t worry, it’s not your fault. These steel glasses they use here do not have an even base. They tilt too soon. Relax. I’ll wash it.” I went speechless! Oh dear! She knows to be considerate!!  This triggered a conflict of opinions in my head. What kind of a person is she, in real?

I got my answers eventually, over a period of time. The butter milk accident worked as a catalyst to our friendship. I wanted to know her more and being in the same team, it was easy to notice when she would take her lunch break. I would storm out then and deliberately look around for a seat, just to sit next to her. After the first few days, my drama stopped and I would directly go and choose to be her lunch partner. Initial days were filled with exchanges of smiles, which grew to sharing papads or vadams and then to food, until now, wherein we are the dearest of friends!

When you are thrown into brutal reality, you just choose to fight in your own ways to remain sane. Her mask of being a workaholic was her way to survive...her way to remain! She chose to work in a field that she loved and that would in turn keep her mentally balanced...or at least try to. She was her family’s apple of the eye and her friends adored her like a little girl would love her pretty doll! Everyone who knew her would consider her a part of their family and pray for all goodness to shower on her. She, like any other girl of her teens, once dreamt of a beautiful life, a dashing prince who’d ask her hand for marriage, who’d love her like none before, who would take care of her, someone on whom she would pour unconditional love and affection and with whom she would live a joyous life, with wonderful children and all other goodness that came along! But fairy tales are confined to books, she said with tears in her eyes one day and reality rips your skin like a thorn does, when you attempt to reach out to a rose! Good hearted princes were a myth, she claimed! Acts of kindness, these days, are forgotten and every minute invested is merely ‘used’ as a tentative option or opportunity. When goodness is at one’s door step, those who called you their pillars of support, will tear you down and will get rid of you by hook or by crook! She remembers every praiseworthy gesture that’d come her way, and also every word and deed that’s shattered her! With the minimal money that she used to draw, she’s made her beloved happy by giving him all that he wanted and in turn would starve herself on days she never had a penny to buy her own lunch! Whenever she sits idle or alone, her mind wanders until she breaks down for a catharsis! The rude and self-centred behaviour of all those she trusted has devastated her and burnt her hopes into ashes. And beyond a point, one just shuts completely to attractive emotions. They just become mechanical, like a robot! They burry all their desires and yearnings to remain ethical and thus, survive until destined. I see a living example of these in her! “...beyond a point one cannot take pain and when you reach the pinnacle, when you know you are not needed anymore or are looked at as an onus, and when attempts are being made to get rid of you... you just choose to move away, irrespective of how much you adore, miss and love a person!” These words uttered by her keep ringing in my head....they bother me a lot...and keep me pondering...day in and day out.

Very few can understand someone completely. And one of the worse situations is when you’re pulled into a relationship and then left astray. So many that I see around live in the superficial world of good looks, money, status, caste, creed, standards and many such man-made elements. I just smile thinking of the check list each carry along and get carried away with! Little do those in school, colleges, work place or anywhere for that matter realise that what they have said or done could remain as a block, a scar in many others for their lifetime...not letting them move even an inch ahead in life! Probably that’s why they say, words once uttered and deeds once done, can never be taken back! I see her at the shrine that I visit regularly; she quietly stares at the idol, tears run down her cheeks, she quietly wipes them, bows and leaves...that look of hers asks a thousand questions that remain unanswered. The wry smile of hers hides her pain and her mask of indifference puts her in a self made cocoon, where she believes she belongs to.

She earns quite well and the money she earns is spent for her parents, at orphanages and for her other social services. She prefers and is used to being so overloaded with work that she fears a lean period, she in fact fears her wandering mind. She chose the job she is in, because it keeps her going. I realised how much value a person’s professional life could have, because for many it’s much more than mere means to earn. And now, when I see her submerged in work, I dare not utter a thought, complaint, or comment...for I know what’s deep down in her...I know it’s a facade...I know it’s much beyond the effort for an extra buck...I know the actual  her...