F.R.I.E.N.D.S

I could sense that he was choking and was deliberately looking away from me...and it remained so for the following 30 minutes... he was stopping himself from getting emotional...

It started off as a joyous evening for the two of us- we were hopping from one shop to the other, looking to buy a laptop for my dad. We were yapping away to glory, cracking jokes, laughing and what not! But now, it was silence that stationed itself between us! He wasn’t talking much, even though there was so much that he wanted to express, both joy and sorrow! I could read every bit, and why not!!...I have known him from the time we cycled together to school!

I’m to leave this city soon, probably never to return or may be just as a visitor, once in a blue moon. And ever since I broke this to my close friends in the city, I have been subject to emotional rendezvous and messages that, I know, are genuine to the core. I do choke when I read them before I hit the sack everyday, thinking about many things, moments, my loved and dear ones; but I clench my teeth hard, suppress the turmoil in me and close my eyes tight to sleep, for I’m just following the path laid and led by the Almighty – I believe and trust in Him the most and hope that something good awaits me for all this change...

I was talking to another friend a couple of days back and also happened to mention what I have stated in para one here. It just triggered an interesting topic for discussion that went on for hours together. We casually started talking about the place I am headed to, the new life, new friends and friendship – a concept that the two of us give a lot of importance to – and so on. We went on discussing about every single incident that has changed us, moved us, and made us happy and sad. It indeed was and will be one of the better conversations I have had till date, because in those few hours I almost recalled every single ‘friend’ I have known in life, till date... and relived every single moment spent with them.

One of the first few things that hits our heads when we hear the term ‘friends’  at random is the popular serial that was aired initially on Star World, isn’t it? A major reason for its popularity is that it’s got so much of us in it – the characters in it seem like every second person we interact with, or even have as friends. I, honestly, am not a huge fan of the series...but yes, I do cherish the few episodes I have seen of it, for I watched it with someone I hold dear, and special and we enjoyed every bit of it together.

As tiny tots, friendship was just about holding hands and running together to our class rooms, reserving seats for each other in the school bus, eating together during lunch breaks, sharing food, waiting for one another for assignment correction/submission and so on. Did anyone of us look beyond these or try to understand the underlying emotions of this term ‘friend’ or ‘friendship’? We were too naive and innocent to do it then.

This beautiful concept just grows with us, and matures and blossoms to an emotion that is just impossible to explain! And needless to say, many admire it and yearn for it, but very few value it...very few treasure it! After all it’s ‘that one relation’ that we get to choose and is not imposed on us.  I believe in something that I swear by, viz. : One would value vision only after he loses his eyes (this is the literal translation of a saying in my mother tongue)! So is the case with a worthwhile relationship - someone who's gone, remains gone...forever!

I cherish the moments when my diaper buddies and I sit and chit chat, laughing away till our cheeks and stomach hurt, recollecting all our crazy old days, all our little moments together and the fun – these are moments that are just unparalleled!!!  We might have had our own ups and downs, but we still chose to be what we are today and definitely are proud about it (smiling ear-to-ear)! I vividly remember, telephones were a luxury during my younger days and every minute spent on a call was kept a tab on, fearing a blockbuster phone bill! Despite these we would call one another 4 times a year – our birthdays and during two major festivals to wish goodness and prosperity to each other – not to talk for more than 2 minutes. Those two-minute calls are what have got us here, until today...to this emotional proximity! And now, when every kid carries a mobile phone and yaps away to glory thinking nothing about the bill and just cherishing the conversation, we just feel proud to have come all this way long without these luxuries then and pray to be together till the end! :)

 If this is the case with age-old friends, there are so many who step into our lives and play their own significant roles. Some remain, while the others are sheer passing clouds ; some teach us so many things, while from the others we learn what never to be and never to do! Some get so close, while the others remain as just acquaintances. Yet, each and everyone are remembered and good moments spent with them, cherished!

Life throws variety at us and this is no different in the case of friendship! To some, you might have once been the reason for their celebration. But seldom do people remember those who provide them with shelter during the storm, especially, when the rain of goodness showers! The perfect examples here are of someone I knew of in my college and a few such others. Initially their days would not end without meeting you or talking to you...but later, they would have time to meet everyone else, speak with everyone else for hours together, but when you request for a share of their time, what you would receive is an excuse of a busy schedule or silence when you call, even during your toughest and demanding times/situations... when you actually might have needed them the most...yearned for a consoling word or moral support from them....for you trusted them the most! But you realise that you have been let down...

Communication resolves everything, but when one experiences deja vu despite all the confiding and requesting, then taking it all in silence - solely for the immense love and care we have for the other and the respect for the friendship - is the only go. However, I bet many disagree with me here. Somehow, I have always liked being myself even though I might end up being a masochist. 

Facebook, these days, I would say is both a boon and a bane for its own reasons! We get to befriend many, locate our long lost buddies and stay in touch with our loved ones irrespective of where they are. 
It also gives many a heartache - it’s when you casually browse that you realize that people you hold close have de-tagged themselves from your pictures on FB, deleted comments posted by you and have replied to everyone else’s comments, but ignored yours and so on. There would have a time when you were the first one to know of things that happen in your friend’s life and rejoice for all the goodness that’s been coming her or his way, but eventually you would know it all only through FB status updates, through common friends or through awkward situations. My friend, the other day, realized his girl friend was dating another boy through FB and ended his relationship with her. Sometimes we end up disliking people for all that they say, do and show on FB and realize their cheapness and prefer to stay away. These, of course, are smaller examples, the graver ones being those cases that have even led to divorces, splitsville, etc. Social sites are awesome means to share and be with one another, provided we know to be a sane member on it.

Eleven years’ beautiful friendship comes to an end in a jiffy because of an assumption – which I have always disliked, for they are the root cause of all disasters! People who preach about life, do not follow one bit of what they state, claim or demand! Some lie and act behind our backs. Some call us their ‘best friend’, but leave us for their girl/boy friends only because their so called partners tag them untrustworthy and they ought to prove it wrong, only to return lonely when the affair ends in a disaster. But yes, as friends, we just smile and embrace them back...don’t we? Sometimes we end up in situations where our friends stop talking to us only because they disapprove of something we do or someone we’re in touch with. When upset, we start confiding at random and eventually realize that this newly acquired confidant has remained our friend as against the one who we trusted and expected so much from! Situations, thus, get painfully funnier and amusing!

Some marriages and the acquired spouses end many year’s long friendship in no time, while some close friends take their long lasted compatibility, care and affection for each other to the next level and get married to live a more joyous life. Sometimes we may hesitate to state what we feel, but perhaps we’re missing out on an even more beautiful relationship by curbing it all. Sometimes many do not know the definition of friendship and ruin it all by behaving bad and dirty, crossing all limits they shouldn’t have as a 'friend'. Such friendships are bound to die eventually, but the worst is for the one at the receiving end, who probably would have died 100 deaths before ‘the end’. Again, my thoughts wander and land on those who have shared such stories with me, my own experiences and on those who have confided the same to me. Oh yes...amid these, let us also not forget those few who have entered wedlock without knowing each other well enough, just to let every bit crumble apart and go down the drains forever...or those who do anything and everything in the name of friendship, but do not mean one bit of it! Life indeed throws variety at us! 

During hard times, we do keep comtemplating, just to try and understand and to get an answer to the ‘why’ that keeps bothering us...to get some kind of explanation to the tears that roll down when we think of those words and deeds that have been used to insult us, induce pain... the feeling of having been just an option when someone was bored or in need, having been a ‘rebound’, having been a support to be stepped on and step out of filth, pushing us further into the sludge in the process and so on... but somehow, for all these, I just smile and move on the path called destiny. For I strongly believe, every bad experience is a lesson learnt and the good ones, beautiful memories!

I do consider myself blessed and do have a few ‘good friends’... those who take pain to ensure my comfort, those who have trudged along with me through all odds and been my partners in crime (wink wink), those who sense that 'she's upset' by just reading my mood in the reply sent to their sms, which otherwise might seem very normal to a layman...as against those to whom I have spoken by just clearing my throat and wiping my tears after an emotional outburst, with them sensing nothing... those few who I know I can call during wee hours in case of an emergency – and I know for sure they would not frown or accuse/abuse me after looking at the clock...those who do a favour to my friend, who is but a stranger for them, stating ‘I’m doing this only for you’ ... those who keep the faith in me going.

As I write this bog, I recollect the beautiful long drives and bike rides my friends and I have gone for – a usual roundabout is made special, for we might have spun around it like excited kids around merry-go-rounds, the lovely movies we have watched together, the crazy jokes we have laughed at, the random arguments, funny fights, those lovable hugs, casual walks by the beach-side holding hands, the stories we exchange sitting at the sea face, the parties and weddings we have attended together, the shopping gaga, the hilarious merchandise exchange, the girl gang stories and late night drives, visits to shrines together, dance and music practices, the last moment decisions taken at college cuturals that's ended in beautiful surprises, the public transport hopping we did just to eat chat from different corners of the city and on goes the never-ending list! We all meet, just to meet...an occasion isn't required at all...LOL...in fact we getting together to spend time by itself is a lovely occasion! :)

I treasure my dear friends and friendship and I ain’t materialistic at all. If you gift me a BMW (hypothetically people, stop growling at me now!), I would treasure it only because it’s gifted by someone I love, and hold important and not for the car that it is! I would also value a piece of note written and given by a friend with the same importance and care. And above all, I would value a true relation, much more than anything else, irrespective of what I get in return.

‘True and genuine’ friends are indeed a blessing in disguise...be it a few that we have, or just one! I have friends of all age groups and I love that aspect, for there is so much that I get to learn from the elders’ ages of experience, the little ones’ innocence that speak a lot of naive truth and my peers, who might look at a situation from various other angles than mine...and beyond all these, the beautiful moments we all get to spend with each other!

It doesn’t take much at all to call oneself a good friend... 

But it takes a lot to 'actually' be one...
And a lot more to mean it when one says ‘I’m there for you...and I shan’t let you fall...ever!’

BEYOND THE BUCKS

Everyone has their own likes, dislikes and aspirations. As we grow, at every stage, we start experimenting on our inclinations towards various fields, until we settle with one – the one we for sure know is the best for us...the one for which we know we will give our 100%! Choosing a career of our genuine choice would not only drive us towards achieving in the field, but helps us in many other ways too! I realized it after I became friends with her...after I knew more about her.

I see her slog like there’s no tomorrow! I see her slog like there’s no life for her beyond her work and work place! She is immensely polite, but makes minimal interactions and barely talks off air! The city loves this bubbly lady jock who keeps every listener glued everyday! But off air, she gets into a cocoon. Given a chance she would volunteer to work overtime, unnecessarily. Why doesn’t she realise there is a life outside her cubicle, her excel sheets, her scripts, her reporting, stories and so on? Foolish lady, doesn’t even know to live or enjoy her life properly, I thought and would continue my work. Even though I tried being oblivious to her, something about her kept bothering me. Was it her smile or her eyes? They just seemed to camouflage something painful; they seemed to be talking tales unknown to many...

Assumptions, generally, are the foundation of all misunderstandings, disasters and blunders; but this time, what I assumed turned out to be right. A lot of things about her dawned on me after I got to know her as a friend, as a loved one...She indeed had tales buried in her!

It was lunch hour that day and having a canteen is a high calorie boon for us. I stuffed my plate with the goodies served and walked around to find a table. All were occupied. People dining were oblivious to a few of us who were searching for a seat to park ourselves at and eat in peace.  “You could sit here”, said someone to me. I halted and turned around with a smile of relief that immediately died looking at the caller! Er...do I sit or just walk away pretending not to have noticed the person, I thought? I chose to take the offer; how does it matter anyway? Just sit quietly, eat and leave! But I am glad things did not happen the way I predicted it to. Thanks to my glass of butter milk that tilted and fell on her. I freaked out and felt miserably embarrassed. Knowing her indifferent behaviour, I thought she would yell; but what came to me was a blow! She smiled, shook her dupatta and wiped the stain with a tissue, looked at me, smiled and said, “Please don’t worry, it’s not your fault. These steel glasses they use here do not have an even base. They tilt too soon. Relax. I’ll wash it.” I went speechless! Oh dear! She knows to be considerate!!  This triggered a conflict of opinions in my head. What kind of a person is she, in real?

I got my answers eventually, over a period of time. The butter milk accident worked as a catalyst to our friendship. I wanted to know her more and being in the same team, it was easy to notice when she would take her lunch break. I would storm out then and deliberately look around for a seat, just to sit next to her. After the first few days, my drama stopped and I would directly go and choose to be her lunch partner. Initial days were filled with exchanges of smiles, which grew to sharing papads or vadams and then to food, until now, wherein we are the dearest of friends!

When you are thrown into brutal reality, you just choose to fight in your own ways to remain sane. Her mask of being a workaholic was her way to survive...her way to remain! She chose to work in a field that she loved and that would in turn keep her mentally balanced...or at least try to. She was her family’s apple of the eye and her friends adored her like a little girl would love her pretty doll! Everyone who knew her would consider her a part of their family and pray for all goodness to shower on her. She, like any other girl of her teens, once dreamt of a beautiful life, a dashing prince who’d ask her hand for marriage, who’d love her like none before, who would take care of her, someone on whom she would pour unconditional love and affection and with whom she would live a joyous life, with wonderful children and all other goodness that came along! But fairy tales are confined to books, she said with tears in her eyes one day and reality rips your skin like a thorn does, when you attempt to reach out to a rose! Good hearted princes were a myth, she claimed! Acts of kindness, these days, are forgotten and every minute invested is merely ‘used’ as a tentative option or opportunity. When goodness is at one’s door step, those who called you their pillars of support, will tear you down and will get rid of you by hook or by crook! She remembers every praiseworthy gesture that’d come her way, and also every word and deed that’s shattered her! With the minimal money that she used to draw, she’s made her beloved happy by giving him all that he wanted and in turn would starve herself on days she never had a penny to buy her own lunch! Whenever she sits idle or alone, her mind wanders until she breaks down for a catharsis! The rude and self-centred behaviour of all those she trusted has devastated her and burnt her hopes into ashes. And beyond a point, one just shuts completely to attractive emotions. They just become mechanical, like a robot! They burry all their desires and yearnings to remain ethical and thus, survive until destined. I see a living example of these in her! “...beyond a point one cannot take pain and when you reach the pinnacle, when you know you are not needed anymore or are looked at as an onus, and when attempts are being made to get rid of you... you just choose to move away, irrespective of how much you adore, miss and love a person!” These words uttered by her keep ringing in my head....they bother me a lot...and keep me pondering...day in and day out.

Very few can understand someone completely. And one of the worse situations is when you’re pulled into a relationship and then left astray. So many that I see around live in the superficial world of good looks, money, status, caste, creed, standards and many such man-made elements. I just smile thinking of the check list each carry along and get carried away with! Little do those in school, colleges, work place or anywhere for that matter realise that what they have said or done could remain as a block, a scar in many others for their lifetime...not letting them move even an inch ahead in life! Probably that’s why they say, words once uttered and deeds once done, can never be taken back! I see her at the shrine that I visit regularly; she quietly stares at the idol, tears run down her cheeks, she quietly wipes them, bows and leaves...that look of hers asks a thousand questions that remain unanswered. The wry smile of hers hides her pain and her mask of indifference puts her in a self made cocoon, where she believes she belongs to.

She earns quite well and the money she earns is spent for her parents, at orphanages and for her other social services. She prefers and is used to being so overloaded with work that she fears a lean period, she in fact fears her wandering mind. She chose the job she is in, because it keeps her going. I realised how much value a person’s professional life could have, because for many it’s much more than mere means to earn. And now, when I see her submerged in work, I dare not utter a thought, complaint, or comment...for I know what’s deep down in her...I know it’s a facade...I know it’s much beyond the effort for an extra buck...I know the actual  her...

AMMUMMA, THY SHALL REMAIN...

God’s own country, definitely, is one of the best places to be chosen for or spend vacation in. The scenic beauty engulfs us completely, taking us away from a city’s hustle-bustle, helping one to totally unwind. For those who love shrine-hopping, there are more than plenty and if you love simply staying indoors, enjoying the rain during monsoon, so be it (smiling ear to ear). These, for sure, are perfect reasons to rejoice and plan for the forthcoming vacation; but I always looked forward to summer holidays for one sole reason – it was to meet my ammumma (maternal grandma in malayalam) ! My vacation itinerary was simple - spending time with granny, crazily loving her and being loved 100 times more in return, clinging on to her and tagging along to wherever she went, listening to stories told by her and what not! My world narrowed down to just two people when I was with her – my ammumma and me!

It was a norm to go to my native and spend the entire two months of summer holidays at my grandparents’ place. Both my grandparents, and I and mom eagerly looked forward to it every year. I was the most attached to my grandma and loved spending every minute of those two months with her. Mom would take control over the kitchen, only to relieve grandma off her culinary duties and let her play with her granddaughter – ahem!...me! :-D  Well, let me be honest and confess that I would tear the kitchen down, shrieking and screaming if she would not accompany me to play. “Namakku molee poova ammumma, kalikyaan varu endeykoodey...ammumma vaaaaaaaaaaaa! (Let’s go upstairs granny, come and play with me)”, I would say this and stand in one corner of the dinning hall and refuse to budge until she came with me – the brat that I was! Then we would play with all the toys, my cooking set – where I would pluck leaves and flowers from our garden and serve the varied coloured food to her. I loved (and still do) listening to stories; so would run to my grandpa’s library and pull a book/novel and give it to my grandma, she would read it out to me. A book would last for 2-3 days at times.

The room upstairs, for me, was a room of mystery with so many things hidden inside the huge steel trunks and the many cupboards there. I remember vividly the day when my sister and I decided to secretly open all those trunks and cupboards and find out what were there in them. We found sacks of coins (so many that we were fed up counting the money and our hands started smelling of brass by the end of it), age old silver vessels, sandalwood and pure teak dolls, pearls, pieces of precious silk cloths and what not! They were our treasure boxes, we loved meddling with...ssshhhhhh....secretly though. The fun my sister and I used to have is worth remembering and something I miss immensely, even today [Deepthi chechi, I hope you’re reading thins and would agree with me :) ] We still talk of it at times and giggle away to glory. Nostalgia! But one thing I do not talk much of or haven’t shared with many is about my lovely days and minutes spent with my grandma.

We were 60 years apart in age :) but she perfectly knew how to be a child, when with one and time flew with all the fun we used to have, when we were together. Sometimes amma would join us and then, it used to be celebration time for the two mothers and the two daughters :) - we would tickle each other, sing together, play games, laugh out like mad, go out together, dress each other up with each other’s favourites, hog together at hotels, feed each other at home, visit shrines together, relatives’ places, I would swing on the swing with one of them feeding me and the other minding my swing, ammumma and amma would talk and I would cuddle in between them and listen keenly to all that they would discuss – our cute little world was, I bet, hundred times better than heaven! I was their ‘most precious’ as they would call me and they, mine!

I would hate it when summer vacations ended, not because I had to go to school, but because it would be time for me to leave my native...leave ammumma and go away ...

As a kid, I used to cry and so did my granny :( ... and as I grew, I wouldn’t cry in front of her, would hug her tightly and console her saying, “one year would simple fly away ammumma and I would be back the very 1^st day of my next summer holidays”. Saying this I would wave to her, get into the auto rickshaw, turn my face away from my parents and weep like a baby...

That year was no different; just like any other my summer vacation was the BEST set of days I could think of. When it was time to leave, I hugged granny and told her, “I would be here next year and be ready because next year when I leave, I am going to take you along with me to Bombay (we had shifted to Bombay then, from Chennai).” She would never agree to leave her den and come along ever (except for those 2-3 times when she’d come to Chennai and stayed with us, one among them being for an operation she underwent); but that year she said “yes” and my joy grew no bounds! I just couldn’t believe my ears! Having my granny with me was the best of things that could ever happen!! The following year I could not visit my native because of reasons that I feel are dumb to be given as excuses, however grave they were! We would talk over the phone for hours together and she would cutely wait next to the instrument on those particular days of the month and week set for the same. The last I remember speaking to her was on the 1^st of December, 2003. She fell ill somewhere around the 10^th. Mom was summoned to join my aunt in taking care of her. She asked me if I would go along – I refused saying “nothing would happen to her amma”. Seeing her in the hospital with an oxygen mask on wasn’t something that I could bear. I feared that sight. “She’ll be alright soon and I will come after that so that we can all get together and have fun like always”, I said. Amma flew down on the 15^th, in the 1^st flight at dawn. She was received by her cousins in Cochin who told her that their beloved aunt and her dear mom was dear to God by then. It was amid my 1^st lecture on that ill-fated Monday that my cell phone rang and it was my aunt’s number that flashed on it, repeatedly. Anxiety gripped me tight. I do not remember paying attention to the lecture thereafter. I ran out of the classroom to call my aunt back to find out why she called. My uncle attended the call to tell me my dear grandma was no more. I rushed back, grabbed my bag and ran out of the class. Rushed home and begged my dad to get me a ticket in the very next flight. It was peak vacation season and nothing was working in our favour – be it for me or for the other grand children across the country, who were all fanatically trying to reach our ancestral home to get one last glimpse of our beloved ammumma. Getting tickets in a train to Kerala from Bombay was a tough task even if planned in advance and this was on short notice! Hard Luck!  I finally got one, but not to be there for the cremation. We children were asked to be there for the rituals after the cremation, which we did. Ever since a child, I eagerly awaited the day I could fly alone, all by myself – which I did, but never enjoyed even a bit. I was flying down to participate in my granny’s post-cremation rituals. I was flying down to a house that would not have my ammumma in it anymore...

Those few days, dunno why, I never cried! But ever since...I do...every now and then...when I think of her...when I miss her loving hug, all the stories which I probably would have heard a 100 times repeatedly from her, yet loved it...when I see my mom’s eyes filled with tears at times when she sits in one corner pondering... and even now...as I write this blog...

It is a void that I sense, that can never be filled by any. When I look around these days, I can easily count the number of people who are selfless, generous, benevolent, are patient and who can love unconditionally – because it’s sparse. Dying traits, as I call them. The opposite are umpteen! Amid those who think solely of their joy and hurt others without even caring or realising what they do, who lack in character, morality or ethics, who have no gratitude towards benevolence and who do not respect others, their emotions, etc., I miss my ammumma and admire her a lot, for she’s lived her entire 76 years for the sake of others, serving others, taking care of others, causing no harm ever to none – one extreme case of selflessness, as I would call it! In a way, I am happy I wasn’t able to see her lying wrapped in a white cloth, motionless, post her death and before her cremation, because I am sure that sight would have affected me greatly and coming out of it completely would have been very difficult; it would have remained a haunting image all my life!

For now, when I close my eyes and think of her, I still remember the sweet smiling face of hers, the fun we had and all those golden moments spent with her...

In fond and loving memories of you, my dearest ammumma... thy shall remain... forever!

THE UNDETERRED FAITH

It is a norm on Wednesdays to visit Her – a practise in me since years. I sit there for hours together, talking to her, confessing, arguing, watching others break down, at times I myself breaking down...and sometimes, just staring at her. In fact I know, I do not have to talk or update her typically (giggle) - Mother Mary knows it all... and she knows it the best!

One of the recent Wednesdays, I’d been there like all weeks; the only difference was that this time I chose to go there during late afternoon and not morning. The shop I buy my offerings from was shut and like any other shrine, the alternatives to buy our requirements from were many. I just randomly chose the one that caught my attention first and walked towards it. A very pleasant looking shopkeeper welcomed me; he would be in his forties, may be. “Vanga ma...enna ma venam? (Come my dear, what would you like to buy?) ”, he asked politely. I told him what I needed. In the meanwhile there came a lady, who from the very look of her face could be told was immensely disturbed and upset.  She browsed through the shop...did not know what to ask for...looked at the candles and asked, “Enna venduthal panna palan kedaikum? Mezhukupathi yethina nallatha? (What kind of prayers would help?  Is offering candles to God good?). The shopkeeper smiled and politely told something in Tamil, the translated version of which is – “It is not about what we offer madam, it is the faith that you have in Her (Mother Mary) that matters. If you look at these candles or anything in this shop for that matter as just an offering, it would not bring no difference. It is purely your prayers from deep within and the faith in the Almighty that will bring in the change. If not, candles would remain just as pieces of moulded wax! Trust Her, pray to Her, leave everything to Her and She will lead you through safely. She is our Mother and She knows it all, She knows it the best!”

He wrapped what the lady and I wanted and gave us our respective packets. The lady smiled, took the packet and left for the church and I was digging my bag to take money. That was when I overheard the shopkeeper’s conversation with an auto-rickshaw (one of the many that was parked outside the church) driver, and I’m glad I could. “The other night I was sleeping by this footpath and it began pouring cats and dogs!! It was so difficult for me to get up immediately and rush to a shelter anna (elder brother). By the time I struggled my way through to get to my vehicle itself I was completely drenched. I just waited beneath the tree, wet and shivering until dawn. Unlike others, I cannot rush immediately no and I did not have anyone to help me either...what to do?” saying this I saw him smile and wink at the auto driver, who just patted him affectionately.

This lovely person I saw at the shop is lame. He did not have both his legs and is hand-cycle-ridden. He has his shop set-up at the entrance of the church and earns his living, thus. He is not as blessed as we all are, yet his words of encouragement are golden! He could have had many complaints about his disability, instead he sits there parting words of courage to the ones in pain.  Does he not have no pain? I’m sure it is much more than what many of us are going through or have gone through! His faith on the Almighty has hugely strengthened my years-long faith on Her even more...it has made it N-number of times stronger and it will remain undeterred, as always!

When the world walks away from you, just remember that the most powerful was, is and will always be with you!

I paid him, thanked him and walked into the shrine for my prayer session. I once turned back and saw him yap away to glory with the driver...laughing out loud, smiling and pleasantly welcoming all the worshippers to his shop -  “Vanga ma...enna ma venam?”

THEIR LITTLE WORLD OF INNOCENCE!

                                 
                 There are certain incidents that are so very cute, you just cannot forget them! One such an anecdote is what I have penned below. My crazy love for children, definitely, is an added reason to still have this in my mind and that is making me add it to my blog, so that it can be there forever and I can re-live those cute five minutes every time I read it!

Who doesn’t love ice creams, but for those negligible percentage of people, whose reasons for their dislike towards this yummy desert makes no sense to me. But we just respect and let likes and dislikes be, just as we wish ours not to be speculated on. A close friend and I need the smallest of occasions to celebrate with an ice cream, so much so that the reason we may quote may just seem frivolous to many ( J ) . We stay in an area that’s overflowing with restaurants, bakeries and ice cream shops. To make a choice is a tad difficult because we need to choose out of the best – but we did and were always loyal to that one place we meet over an ice cream every now and then.

Months back, late in the evening, we were whiling away our time chit chatting and laughing away to glory speaking about anything and everything under the sun in this ice cream parlour – one place that always is crowded with more people than it can comfortably accommodate. We were oblivious to the throng there, who barged in with a mission to grab the best they can get and move out satiated. Just as I, my friend loves children too and we would lovingly comment, smile and admire the little ones running hither and thither over the excitement of very soon going to dig into the tastiest of things their parent/s were buying for them.

                                                   It was the Cricket World Cup era – that time of the year when all cricket fanatics dedicate their time, heart and soul to just one thing – watching cricket matches! And what better way of marketing than sport a cricket field atmosphere within your shop! The ice cream parlour had set up a cute little pitch with stumps, bats and a ball, segregated from the counter using a net – making it look like a practising area we all had in our schools. It was tempting to play, but I would probably have filled in the entire pitch area with my presence – I mean, it was meant for the tiny tots. There was this really cute little boy – not more than two and a half years old – who was the centre of attraction that evening. He was the mini Tendulkar there, playing with all the excitement and energy he could garner. He would chase the ball using the bat like he was playing hockey, run around, scream out of joy, jump, roll on the pitch, fall on the net and what not! Even someone who finds kids annoying, would have adored him. My friend and I were seated very close to the pitch the little one was playing on and we, to be honest, had forgotten about our ice creams and had just let it melt in the cup. What we were admiring was that attention capturing and cute!

This little one, oblivious to the world’s attention he had drawn on him, continued his fun filled play. But something that followed made no sense to us. While running back to reach where he had started from, he abruptly stopped! He was staring at the TV mounted on top of our seats at a height, on the wall. He looked like he was suddenly hypnotised by an unseen power or mesmerized! He did not budge! What was wrong? Why did he lose interest on the game? What mesmerized him? His round little eyes never blinked! His hands clutched the bat and ball tight! His body froze! His cute little mouth was open and started drooling! Huh? What on Earth were they showing on that TV, we thought! I quickly stepped out of my seat and took a sneak peek of the screen. Whoa!!! What I get to see there is a picture of a yummie mouth-watering Sundae ice cream!!  “ Awwwwww!! My sweetest sugar candy, my darling little doll...I wish I could buy you every drop of ice cream kept in those freezers ...” I told myself! When everyone else realised the same, they couldn’t help chuckle out of pure affection and adoration for this innocent ltoddler. His parents giggled , nudged him affectionately saying they have got him an ice cream, but he wouldn’t move an inch! They tried turning his face away, distracting him – nothing worked! He was in a different world altogether! Finally with all their affection they hugged him and kissed him, carried him, laughed and slowly moved out of the place. The last that we could see was he relishing his ice cream and getting into his car, with his mother carrying him. J

                                                   I do not know how much one may like reading this bit , but when you close your eyes, and wonder and imagine how sweet and innocent little ones could be, you just forget everything else that can bother, and trouble you and your thoughts! The only bit of innocence we get to see is in these lovely children – and they are the BEST of teachers one can get! They speak the truth transparently only because they – at their tiny little age – have not learnt to manipulate or camouflage their genuine opinions, desires and emotions. Their thoughts and actions are devoid of any blemish!

                                                   Getting back to my toddler age would be A DREAM COME TRUE for me – a period when all that I would know to do is stay happy and secure in my parents’ unconditional love and warmth!

I dedicate this post to all the little ones in the world and wish to keep it as an expression of my crazy love for them – even though only a negligible percent could be expressed thus, J. 

                                                

          

TYING THE (MYSTERIOUS) KNOT

For some reason a young yet sensible matured person, these days, seems to be a rare commodity. Among all the steady as well as cracked pots I have in my family, one person I adore, admire and respect a lot is one of my cousin brothers. Younger to me by an year, this boy showed immense maturity and courage at an age where many do not even know the difference between an infatuation and genuine love. I indeed am talking about him handling his love life. He fell in love with a girl from a different caste and religion. Fortunately, being blessed with very practical and broad-minded parents (who consider their childrens' joy to be of much more importance than the rigid and superfluous norms), he had no issues to sort or solve at his end; but the herculean task that awaited him was convincing the girl’s parents. He handled it beautifully and succeeded in it a few years ago (at an age of 21!) and now, I eagerly wait to be a part of the joyous moment of the two getting together to start a life of their own – in a year from now. I rushed to my mother to share this wonderful bit of news. As overwhelmed with joy as she could be, it was equally difficult for her to hide the sorrow. In turn, the news she had in hand to give me was about a very close family friend’s son going through a traumatic phase in life – he was getting divorced! He was going to break an eighteen months old marriage! “Eighteen months”….this kept ringing in my head constantly. What do I do? Rejoice for my cousin brother or moan for this boy who I have always looked upon as an elder brother?

Things aren’t easy when it comes to one getting married or getting one married off. Marriage – Phew! The most important stage in one’s life – where one wrong step taken or decision made, everything goes for a toss! Scary a thought, right? The efforts put in to find Mr. or Miss. right is commendable! It is true when they say that birds of the same feather (are believed to) flock together. It is considered easy and simple to bring people belonging to similar backgrounds closer, provided it is with the consent of the bakra…er…I mean the one who’s to get married (wink wink) – in other words, an arranged marriage. Be it love or arranged marriage, there still are many questions that remain unanswered!

Arranged marriage -if things are so beautifully arranged and when everything is supposedly right, why do they fall apart in many-a-cases? What goes wrong in a ‘rightly’ arranged marriage? When all the man-made elements (as I call them) such as status, caste, religion, creed, beliefs, horoscopes, everything matched, what didn’t?

Love marriage – When love marriages fall apart, where is the so called ‘love’? Everything is a gamble!

I observe around and realize that the concept of patience is diminishing for unknown reasons. The idea of “understanding one another” has becoming restricted. Love, sadly, is becoming conditional! The “self” is been given priority than the “us”.  I despise all those who talk about controlling their wedded lives, their better halves, their extended families and so on!! My question “why??!!!” again remains being one among the many unanswered ones! The dumb answer I get, if at all I put this across is - why should “I” let go? We have to let go off arrogance, ego, selfishness, illogical assumptions and similar negative traits; if not, DO NOT hope for the relationship to last long! It’s so lovely to see our parents live through their lives so beautifully (TOUCH WOOD), literally being there with and for each other through thick and thin…religiously keeping up to the vows taken by them together!! I admire such couples and my respect for them is sky high! I pray for such relations to last till eternity and to be blessed with one like that!

Compatibility, being genuinely happy and finding solace in each other even when you are in the worst of situations, unconditional love, loyalty with the strongest of foundations built on trust, the ability to read your loved one’s silence, the strength to be with them through thick and thin, having an open mind to accept and love their family as your own and above all having the CLARITY needed to understand situations and take decisions can make a good marriage! When you know someone can love you unconditionally, expecting nothing in return - just surrender! Because everything else will fall in place - my belief! Many would definitely differ in opinion. I respect your thoughts, beliefs, and ideas and let us just let each other be J…What say you? However, the worst of things one can do is give false hopes through words, and deeds and betray later for reasons that sound ridiculous and completely self-centered! And when guilt kills, you can find people justify even their stupidest of acts – just hear them out silently and leave with a smile! All that I hope and pray for is may all realizations and enlightenment for those whose brains hibernate happen before it is too late, lest you curse your fate and decisions! Certain damages are IRREVERSIBLE!

Recently, a very close friend of mine mentioned about attending weddings and a funeral in the same week. A similar situation as when you get to hear about marriages being fixed and broken. The mystery hidden in every tomorrow, or for that matter, the very next minute is looked at optimistically when it blesses you with the good. Otherwise everything remains unpredictable and the moment, a myth! And as far as weddings are concerned, the sacred 'knot' always remains mysterious!

                        

SIX FEET UNDER

I entered the place and had a hertz welcoming me…! Is the funeral to happen later sometime today, I thought? No, it’d just begun as I stepped into the church.

It was yet another Sunday and as per my usual routine I reached the church (that I generally go to) at around 10:30 in the morning. I was taken aback to realize what was going on inside…went in, paid my respect, prayed for the family and for the soul to rest in peace, sat there for a while through the prayer session and moved out, with all kind of thoughts and questions in my head – those that have never been answered till date, and probably will never be!

The most unpredictable of things that can ever happen is ‘death’! None knows when we’ll be dear to God (an acceptable and subtle way of putting it)! Waking up to death news leaves you mentally paralyzed for the rest of the day, or perhaps for the many days that’d follow. The void of losing your near and dear ones remains and all that you’re left with is memories!

When tomorrow is a myth and life is so fickle, I keep wondering - why are people so rigid and why do many of their actions make little or no sense??!! Fights for/over money/property, honour killing, issues over love and arranged marriages, ego clashes, impatience over petty things, divorces, infidelity, harassments in many forms, discrimination on the basis of caste, religion, creed, etc.and I can just go on…! Weren’t things way too easier years ago? Are all the good virtues disappearing? Why are people getting more materialistic these days? Is money more important than family? Is one’s religion, caste, looks, status more important than the joy one gets from togetherness? And these are not just rhetorical questions, mind you!

Siblings, who have grown together, hate each other, because for some senseless reason one feels he deserves more than the other! How more fragile can relationships get? He/she does not mind having an illicit relationship with another post marriage; what about the spouse waiting at home? Oh… that ‘better’ half perhaps is in search of another half than the existing one (huh)! Well, are they born with a conscience that decay and die completely by the time they grow? Or was the marriage itself a disaster from the word ‘go’? Is infidelity the right answer to it? I do not think so! Why not put in genuine efforts to make the marriage work? I stood dumbstruck when a guy colleague of mine comes to a party with a lady and a kid - ahem hold on please – this lady is another colleague and the kid, her niece! They’d seem like a family to any stranger, and to us…well, we know what happens behind the scenes! BTW my colleague’s wife and daughter make a wonderful wallpaper on his laptop [ :­-@ wow!...What love!].

What pleasure does one derive from harassing people? Yeah…one good thing that’s happened is, it’s easier to explain who a sadist is – just point out to your boss (exceptions to be excluded from the category with utmost consideration and respect please) - one of the easier examples that could be stated.

A few years back, when I had just stepped into college and on one of those weekends when I was chatting with my father, he told me something that made no sense to me then. He said, “…whatever said and done my dear, it is the person that matters and NOTHING else! And you are remembered for what you are. Strive to be a better human being. Be true in whatever you say and do.”  Trust me, now, I swear by every word that he’d told me! I had this inscribed in my mind and eventually as days and years passed, every word that he’d uttered then made sense to me! Because at the end of the day, when you are six feet under, NOTHING else really matters…!