TYING THE (MYSTERIOUS) KNOT

For some reason a young yet sensible matured person, these days, seems to be a rare commodity. Among all the steady as well as cracked pots I have in my family, one person I adore, admire and respect a lot is one of my cousin brothers. Younger to me by an year, this boy showed immense maturity and courage at an age where many do not even know the difference between an infatuation and genuine love. I indeed am talking about him handling his love life. He fell in love with a girl from a different caste and religion. Fortunately, being blessed with very practical and broad-minded parents (who consider their childrens' joy to be of much more importance than the rigid and superfluous norms), he had no issues to sort or solve at his end; but the herculean task that awaited him was convincing the girl’s parents. He handled it beautifully and succeeded in it a few years ago (at an age of 21!) and now, I eagerly wait to be a part of the joyous moment of the two getting together to start a life of their own – in a year from now. I rushed to my mother to share this wonderful bit of news. As overwhelmed with joy as she could be, it was equally difficult for her to hide the sorrow. In turn, the news she had in hand to give me was about a very close family friend’s son going through a traumatic phase in life – he was getting divorced! He was going to break an eighteen months old marriage! “Eighteen months”….this kept ringing in my head constantly. What do I do? Rejoice for my cousin brother or moan for this boy who I have always looked upon as an elder brother?

Things aren’t easy when it comes to one getting married or getting one married off. Marriage – Phew! The most important stage in one’s life – where one wrong step taken or decision made, everything goes for a toss! Scary a thought, right? The efforts put in to find Mr. or Miss. right is commendable! It is true when they say that birds of the same feather (are believed to) flock together. It is considered easy and simple to bring people belonging to similar backgrounds closer, provided it is with the consent of the bakra…er…I mean the one who’s to get married (wink wink) – in other words, an arranged marriage. Be it love or arranged marriage, there still are many questions that remain unanswered!

Arranged marriage -if things are so beautifully arranged and when everything is supposedly right, why do they fall apart in many-a-cases? What goes wrong in a ‘rightly’ arranged marriage? When all the man-made elements (as I call them) such as status, caste, religion, creed, beliefs, horoscopes, everything matched, what didn’t?

Love marriage – When love marriages fall apart, where is the so called ‘love’? Everything is a gamble!

I observe around and realize that the concept of patience is diminishing for unknown reasons. The idea of “understanding one another” has becoming restricted. Love, sadly, is becoming conditional! The “self” is been given priority than the “us”.  I despise all those who talk about controlling their wedded lives, their better halves, their extended families and so on!! My question “why??!!!” again remains being one among the many unanswered ones! The dumb answer I get, if at all I put this across is - why should “I” let go? We have to let go off arrogance, ego, selfishness, illogical assumptions and similar negative traits; if not, DO NOT hope for the relationship to last long! It’s so lovely to see our parents live through their lives so beautifully (TOUCH WOOD), literally being there with and for each other through thick and thin…religiously keeping up to the vows taken by them together!! I admire such couples and my respect for them is sky high! I pray for such relations to last till eternity and to be blessed with one like that!

Compatibility, being genuinely happy and finding solace in each other even when you are in the worst of situations, unconditional love, loyalty with the strongest of foundations built on trust, the ability to read your loved one’s silence, the strength to be with them through thick and thin, having an open mind to accept and love their family as your own and above all having the CLARITY needed to understand situations and take decisions can make a good marriage! When you know someone can love you unconditionally, expecting nothing in return - just surrender! Because everything else will fall in place - my belief! Many would definitely differ in opinion. I respect your thoughts, beliefs, and ideas and let us just let each other be J…What say you? However, the worst of things one can do is give false hopes through words, and deeds and betray later for reasons that sound ridiculous and completely self-centered! And when guilt kills, you can find people justify even their stupidest of acts – just hear them out silently and leave with a smile! All that I hope and pray for is may all realizations and enlightenment for those whose brains hibernate happen before it is too late, lest you curse your fate and decisions! Certain damages are IRREVERSIBLE!

Recently, a very close friend of mine mentioned about attending weddings and a funeral in the same week. A similar situation as when you get to hear about marriages being fixed and broken. The mystery hidden in every tomorrow, or for that matter, the very next minute is looked at optimistically when it blesses you with the good. Otherwise everything remains unpredictable and the moment, a myth! And as far as weddings are concerned, the sacred 'knot' always remains mysterious!