Everyone has their own likes, dislikes and aspirations. As we grow, at every stage, we start experimenting on our inclinations towards various fields, until we settle with one – the one we for sure know is the best for us...the one for which we know we will give our 100%! Choosing a career of our genuine choice would not only drive us towards achieving in the field, but helps us in many other ways too! I realized it after I became friends with her...after I knew more about her.
When you are thrown into brutal reality, you just choose to fight in your own ways to remain sane. Her mask of being a workaholic was her way to survive...her way to remain! She chose to work in a field that she loved and that would in turn keep her mentally balanced...or at least try to. She was her family’s apple of the eye and her friends adored her like a little girl would love her pretty doll! Everyone who knew her would consider her a part of their family and pray for all goodness to shower on her. She, like any other girl of her teens, once dreamt of a beautiful life, a dashing prince who’d ask her hand for marriage, who’d love her like none before, who would take care of her, someone on whom she would pour unconditional love and affection and with whom she would live a joyous life, with wonderful children and all other goodness that came along! But fairy tales are confined to books, she said with tears in her eyes one day and reality rips your skin like a thorn does, when you attempt to reach out to a rose! Good hearted princes were a myth, she claimed! Acts of kindness, these days, are forgotten and every minute invested is merely ‘used’ as a tentative option or opportunity. When goodness is at one’s door step, those who called you their pillars of support, will tear you down and will get rid of you by hook or by crook! She remembers every praiseworthy gesture that’d come her way, and also every word and deed that’s shattered her! With the minimal money that she used to draw, she’s made her beloved happy by giving him all that he wanted and in turn would starve herself on days she never had a penny to buy her own lunch! Whenever she sits idle or alone, her mind wanders until she breaks down for a catharsis! The rude and self-centred behaviour of all those she trusted has devastated her and burnt her hopes into ashes. And beyond a point, one just shuts completely to attractive emotions. They just become mechanical, like a robot! They burry all their desires and yearnings to remain ethical and thus, survive until destined. I see a living example of these in her! “...beyond a point one cannot take pain and when you reach the pinnacle, when you know you are not needed anymore or are looked at as an onus, and when attempts are being made to get rid of you... you just choose to move away, irrespective of how much you adore, miss and love a person!” These words uttered by her keep ringing in my head....they bother me a lot...and keep me pondering...day in and day out.
I see her slog like there’s no tomorrow! I see her slog like there’s no life for her beyond her work and work place! She is immensely polite, but makes minimal interactions and barely talks off air! The city loves this bubbly lady jock who keeps every listener glued everyday! But off air, she gets into a cocoon. Given a chance she would volunteer to work overtime, unnecessarily. Why doesn’t she realise there is a life outside her cubicle, her excel sheets, her scripts, her reporting, stories and so on? Foolish lady, doesn’t even know to live or enjoy her life properly, I thought and would continue my work. Even though I tried being oblivious to her, something about her kept bothering me. Was it her smile or her eyes? They just seemed to camouflage something painful; they seemed to be talking tales unknown to many...
Assumptions, generally, are the foundation of all misunderstandings, disasters and blunders; but this time, what I assumed turned out to be right. A lot of things about her dawned on me after I got to know her as a friend, as a loved one...She indeed had tales buried in her!
It was lunch hour that day and having a canteen is a high calorie boon for us. I stuffed my plate with the goodies served and walked around to find a table. All were occupied. People dining were oblivious to a few of us who were searching for a seat to park ourselves at and eat in peace. “You could sit here”, said someone to me. I halted and turned around with a smile of relief that immediately died looking at the caller! Er...do I sit or just walk away pretending not to have noticed the person, I thought? I chose to take the offer; how does it matter anyway? Just sit quietly, eat and leave! But I am glad things did not happen the way I predicted it to. Thanks to my glass of butter milk that tilted and fell on her. I freaked out and felt miserably embarrassed. Knowing her indifferent behaviour, I thought she would yell; but what came to me was a blow! She smiled, shook her dupatta and wiped the stain with a tissue, looked at me, smiled and said, “Please don’t worry, it’s not your fault. These steel glasses they use here do not have an even base. They tilt too soon. Relax. I’ll wash it.” I went speechless! Oh dear! She knows to be considerate!! This triggered a conflict of opinions in my head. What kind of a person is she, in real?
I got my answers eventually, over a period of time. The butter milk accident worked as a catalyst to our friendship. I wanted to know her more and being in the same team, it was easy to notice when she would take her lunch break. I would storm out then and deliberately look around for a seat, just to sit next to her. After the first few days, my drama stopped and I would directly go and choose to be her lunch partner. Initial days were filled with exchanges of smiles, which grew to sharing papads or vadams and then to food, until now, wherein we are the dearest of friends!
When you are thrown into brutal reality, you just choose to fight in your own ways to remain sane. Her mask of being a workaholic was her way to survive...her way to remain! She chose to work in a field that she loved and that would in turn keep her mentally balanced...or at least try to. She was her family’s apple of the eye and her friends adored her like a little girl would love her pretty doll! Everyone who knew her would consider her a part of their family and pray for all goodness to shower on her. She, like any other girl of her teens, once dreamt of a beautiful life, a dashing prince who’d ask her hand for marriage, who’d love her like none before, who would take care of her, someone on whom she would pour unconditional love and affection and with whom she would live a joyous life, with wonderful children and all other goodness that came along! But fairy tales are confined to books, she said with tears in her eyes one day and reality rips your skin like a thorn does, when you attempt to reach out to a rose! Good hearted princes were a myth, she claimed! Acts of kindness, these days, are forgotten and every minute invested is merely ‘used’ as a tentative option or opportunity. When goodness is at one’s door step, those who called you their pillars of support, will tear you down and will get rid of you by hook or by crook! She remembers every praiseworthy gesture that’d come her way, and also every word and deed that’s shattered her! With the minimal money that she used to draw, she’s made her beloved happy by giving him all that he wanted and in turn would starve herself on days she never had a penny to buy her own lunch! Whenever she sits idle or alone, her mind wanders until she breaks down for a catharsis! The rude and self-centred behaviour of all those she trusted has devastated her and burnt her hopes into ashes. And beyond a point, one just shuts completely to attractive emotions. They just become mechanical, like a robot! They burry all their desires and yearnings to remain ethical and thus, survive until destined. I see a living example of these in her! “...beyond a point one cannot take pain and when you reach the pinnacle, when you know you are not needed anymore or are looked at as an onus, and when attempts are being made to get rid of you... you just choose to move away, irrespective of how much you adore, miss and love a person!” These words uttered by her keep ringing in my head....they bother me a lot...and keep me pondering...day in and day out.Very few can understand someone completely. And one of the worse situations is when you’re pulled into a relationship and then left astray. So many that I see around live in the superficial world of good looks, money, status, caste, creed, standards and many such man-made elements. I just smile thinking of the check list each carry along and get carried away with! Little do those in school, colleges, work place or anywhere for that matter realise that what they have said or done could remain as a block, a scar in many others for their lifetime...not letting them move even an inch ahead in life! Probably that’s why they say, words once uttered and deeds once done, can never be taken back! I see her at the shrine that I visit regularly; she quietly stares at the idol, tears run down her cheeks, she quietly wipes them, bows and leaves...that look of hers asks a thousand questions that remain unanswered. The wry smile of hers hides her pain and her mask of indifference puts her in a self made cocoon, where she believes she belongs to.
She earns quite well and the money she earns is spent for her parents, at orphanages and for her other social services. She prefers and is used to being so overloaded with work that she fears a lean period, she in fact fears her wandering mind. She chose the job she is in, because it keeps her going. I realised how much value a person’s professional life could have, because for many it’s much more than mere means to earn. And now, when I see her submerged in work, I dare not utter a thought, complaint, or comment...for I know what’s deep down in her...I know it’s a facade...I know it’s much beyond the effort for an extra buck...I know the actual her...
